If you can't even trust and own your own feelings - well, what have you left?
This is because our totally natural and normal feelings are told to be wrong (either in as many words, or by implication), and so we absorb the message that we're wrong to have them. It can leave you wondering if you're imagining it, if you're over-reacting and so on, and that doubt leaves you open to more abuse.
In some families, the invalidation becomes extreme, leading to physical abuse and even murder.
However, invalidation can also be accomplished by verbal manipulations that invalidate in ways both subtle and confusing.” This post will discuss two aspects of invalidation that Dr. The first involves the relationship between the concept of invalidation and a similar concept from family systems pioneer Paul Watzlawick that he called . When I first read Linehan, I thought of a similar concept that I had read about in a classic book in family systems theory by Watzlawick, Beavin, and Jackson first published way back in 1967 called .
When we are invalidated by having our feelings repudiated, we are attacked at the deepest level possible, since our feelings are the innermost expression of our individual identities. As a parent I want to teach my kids these things Ive learned.
Telling a person she shouldn't feel the way she does feel is akin to telling water it shouldn't be wet, grass it shouldn't be green, or rocks they shouldn't be hard. Whether we like or understand someone's feelings, they are still real. So when they felt bad or angry I tried to help them find a way to make themselves feel better.